The thing about open space…

Dear Brooke,

Sincerely,
ehhh…

Dear Ehhh,

OK sweets, let’s get this going right off the bat…

This isn’t about the guy, or your relationship with the guy. This isn’t about your relationship with “New Yorkers” either. This is about your relationship with open space. Really? Yes, really. Let’s explore…

When we end something like a job or relationship or our time in a city, etc., our immediate response is to hurry up and get to the next thing ASAP. Our goal: avoid the awkward and often unsettling space that engulfs us after one thing ends, but before another begins. That space-open space- is there to help us transition, breathe, and shift into a new chapter… but we insist on filling it up as fast as possible in attempts to skip right over the discomfort. We hate discomfort.

What you’re really asking isn’t about the guy or you or the relationship or or or, it’s about the way in which you’re filling the open space in your life.

The thing about open space is that the desire to fill it too fast leads us to value quantity (the amount of space something can fill…think higher drama, more space it takes up) over quality. It’s easy and quick to simply invite people and things into your life in order to fill your open space with something—anything–anyone, rather than taking the time to shift, re-adjust to your new chapter, and choose what you really want.

An important thing to note; filling your open space is not necessarily a bad thing. You and the rest of the human race are on the same track my love. When we feel uncomfortable, we want to do something about it. When open space feels overwhelming and icky, we fill it. And that’s OK. But filling it unconsciously is where the issue comes in.

The great news: you’re listening to the messages from inside, taking note, and becoming aware. Love it. You’re noticing that you’re filling your space with something-someone short term, and it’s not feeling good to you. I’m so proud of you for reaching out because you’re so on the right track, you’re inner voice is beginning to speak up…and it’s time to listen.

Begin to make yourself aware of the difference between the quantity and quality you invite into your life. Get curious about yourself and the feelings that come up around change or being alone or transition. Notice when you want to quickly fill your space…don’t judge yourself, just notice. And breathe into the moments you choose to keep things open.

My darling Mr. E…as you embrace the new place you live, the new friends you’re making, and the new chapter you’re beginning in your life…consider your relationship to open space. And like any other relationship worth working on, sign up for it-all of it… the moments you feel full, the moments you feel spacious…and every moment in between.

Love,