“Ryan is normally the life of the party, but some nights he calls it off, stays in alone to dick around on the Internet or play video games, and then feels anti-social and guilty for ditching his friends. Is something up? Our expert Brooke weighs in.”…click here to read Soapbox Therapy on Primer Magazine

Hi Brooke,

Love,
B

Dear B,

I’m happy beyond words that you wrote in…thank you so much for your amazing openness. Medication is a huge huge topic and extremely sensitive. It is, of course, a medical issue so first and foremost…talk to your doctor or psychiatrist about your experience. If your doctor or psychiatrist won’t hear you out…get a new one. Like, now. That being said…

I definitely have thoughts and opinions about meds, feelings, fear, and everything involved…but a disclaimer before we launch into it: I’m not a doctor or psychiatrist- I don’t and can’t prescribe meds. So, what I’m going to say is not from a medical perspective, but my perspective…an I love you because you’re human-emotional intelligence perspective…With that, here we go.

Feeling painful, challenging, and scary feelings is intense and overwhelming and beyond our comfort on so many levels. More than ever before, we, as modern human beings, have an extreme disinterest in feeling crappy…like, extreme disinterest. We’ll do whatever it takes to feel better, like now, or even better…yesterday. What makes this whole conundrum even more difficult is that life in general is more complex than ever, so our feelings are more intense…and so is our disinterest in experiencing them. Exhausting to say the least.

But the truth remains, exhaustion and all…our feelings want to be felt. No matter how painful and scary…they just won’t move through us until we hear them, pay attention to them, and let them do their thing.

In my opinion, the purpose of meds (though the drug companies may disagree) is not to numb you out or make your feelings go away. Contrary to the popular fantasy, that just doesn’t happen…at least long term. And judging from your question… you know that first hand. Feelings, medicated or not, can creep up like a stranger and scare the crap out of you.

So…the purpose of meds is to make it possible for certain feelings that are close to impossible to swallow…digest. Let me explain…

In true Soapbox form, let’s talk metaphor: Many people have difficulty digesting dairy. For some, difficulty doesn’t come close to explaining what happens for their body when dairy enters…it can be outright painful. There are medications out there, pills, etc. that help the body digest the dairy. The pills support the body by equipping it to safely absorb the dairy. But if the dairy doesn’t enter the system after the pills are taken, the pills don’t really do the work they are intended for. Make sense?

Medication (as it relates to your question) equips and prepares the mind and the body to safely digest, absorb, process, and engage in the feelings and experiences that for some, are truly and deeply just not realistic to feel and have on that level on a day-to-day basis.

Though I have no clue what you’ve been through in your life and what feelings have become unbearable for you, it sounds like you’ve been taking the meds, then adding meds on top with the goal of someday not having to feel your feelings at all. I know you don’t want to hear this my love, but I believe in my deepest self that the only way to move forward is to begin to understand that meds are here to support you with your feelings, not save you from them.

The thing about medication is that its purpose is not to cover up your feelings; but to support them in being felt. Whether taking medication is short or long term in your life, the idea is to balance, feel, and work through and with your stuff while protected, rather than choosing medication as a diversion from your emotions. That’s why, in my opinion, if you’re going to take medication, doing it along with supplemented talk therapy is the safest, most long term, and most effective combination and vehicle towards biochemical and emotional balance. Wow, a mouthful.

Tons of people who can’t digest dairy without support simply stay away from it. We, as human beings, don’t have the option to stay away from our feelings. I know, not your favorite thing to hear. Feelings are part of our journey…feeling them and functioning joyfully with them takes time and hard work.

Medication is right for some people, and for some, it’s not. We are all different and have different ways of processing our stuff. Medication is a personal choice and should (yes, I’m shoulding) be something that you research, ask a million questions about, and take seriously…it is after all, your body…your amazing personal space that holds all of your insides…inside.

Oh, and B…you shouldn’t have to go off all of the meds in order to feel your feelings…if medication is right for you, and you’re using it properly with support, you’ll actually have a greater opportunity to work with and feel your feelings…safely.

A few suggestions darlin: Enlist support and help, both medically and emotionally. In order to stay safe from addiction, or if you’re already addicted, NA (narcotics anonymous-google them in your geographical area) is a great and confidential space to begin recovering from your addiction or possible addiction. Find a great doctor or psychiatrist…let them know that you are beginning to feel dependent and get help around safely shifting your medication combination and dosage to be a better fit for you. And please…do not try to go off the meds on your own- your body needs medical support with that!

Also, find a great therapist. Try a few, ask questions, see how it feels. Don’t go to the therapist who simply makes you feel better, while that’s all fabulous…go to the therapist that allows you to feel something, the one who can sit with you while your feelings fill the room to the brim, and you feel safe. Go to that therapist.

Feeling your feelings won’t be easy, but even more challenging would be living the rest of your life in fear of them. I’m proud of you already.

Love love love,

The thing about being thankful is that I am…from my Soapbox.

Thankful for breath and body and boredom. Yes, boredom…thank you. Thankful for the sweetness of agreements and the juiciness of disagreements. Thankful for ah-ha moments and inner fog kindly asking brain and thinking and analyzing…to rest.

Thankful for forgiveness when it’s authentic and anger when it’s real. Thankful for high expectations because there’s no other way to go. Thankful for quality over quantity. Thankful for doubt and disappointment and uncertainty and challenge. Thankful for judgment and curiosity and language and joy. Thank you thank you thank you, joy.

Thankful for high heels that make legs look long, tight jeans that make butts look high, mascara that makes eyes look big…and thankful for the people who love our legs and our butts and our eyes when it all comes off…with the light still on.

Thankful for those who have been unkind and the lessons they’ve taught about friendship, forgiveness, Self. Thankful for huge smiles and t-shirts that make eyes change color. Thankful for music. Thankful for rhythm. Thankful for movement. Thankful for sickness and health and richer and poorer. Thankful for starting it up, and thankful for shutting it down.

Thankful for daydreaming. Grateful for daydreaming. Indebted to daydreaming.

Thankful for stretching and eating and sleeping and laughing. And laughing and laughing and laughing. Thankful for friends that get it and family that embraces it. Thankful for confusion and learning and wondering and communicating. Thankful for the ick and the shadow and the fear. Thankful for layers that continue to peel away and light that squeezes its way in.

Thankful for words. Thankful for words. Thankful for words. Thankful for speaking. Thankful for reading. Thankful for writing. Thankful for listening. Thankful for space to grow.

Thankful for chandeliers, each put together differently but made of the same stuff…just like us. Mmmm. love it.

Thankful for loving. Thankful for being in love. Thankful for knowing, feeling, experiencing…the difference.

Thankful for a day to announce feeling thankful. Thankful for you.

Love,