Dear Brooke,

Stuck in the Present

Dear Stuck Sweetie,

So, using the economy as an excuse for not doing what one truly loves royally annoys you…except now you’re starting to feel the burn. And it sounds like underneath that pet-peeve gone reality exists a deep understanding that not doing what you truly love in general, regardless of the economy, isn’t really an option…especially for you.

I’m love love loving this understanding inside of you. Now let’s unpack it so you can start on your professional path of kicking you-know-what and taking names, shall we?

The thing about job-related depression is that yes, it’s real. Really real. Part of being human is an innate need to share your authentic self with the world, with your peers, with your neighbors, with your own self, and everyone in between. The problem with not expressing or pursuing your passion, personally or professionally, is that if your real talents and interests and capital S Self is su–ppressed, it will inevitably make you de–pressed.

Here’s why…

Depression feels like an inner heaviness, and that heaviness is often made up of the weight of ones true, real, authentic Self being held inside. So what’s making you feel depressed, in your case, isn’t necessarily what you’re doing, it’s what you’re not doing. From what you’re describing, your job-related depression is about the juicy delicious parts of yourself being left out on a daily basis.

So gorgeous, first step: Begin to integrate my most favorite word in the English language into your life in a massive way. The word, and.

Inviting the and perspective into your life will save you from a black and white way of doing things, bring you out of a only-one-or-the-other way of thinking, give you permission and strength and and and…to do and be and say and feel and experience…all of it.

In other words, you can do both. You can build a new perspective regarding the job you have right now, because you’re a ridiculously intelligent, modern, and aware woman who appreciates what she has and views every experience as an opportunity for insane growth…and… you can add things into your life that feed your soul and your spirit and support your future in a way that makes you proud and excited. Both are there for you.

This is not about getting rid of what you have, it’s about inviting in what you need.

So, about that new perspective you’re about to build…The main thing to keep in mind is that anything and everything we do, serves us. Even the job you have now. Yes love, even the job you have now.

How is it serving you? Is it setting you apart, teaching you new skills (non-career/non-job related skills count), new social skills, networking skills, organization skills, people skills? Is it setting you up financially so that one day, when fear starts to shift and the hiring freeze is lifted, you’re ready? Like, really ready?

Next to figuring out what you want to do with your professional life, is your current job helping you to learn the most important thing about your professional self…what you don’t want to do? Are you realizing what you love and what you don’t and why and why not? Are you getting to know yourself- for real? Congratulations beautiful… you’re ahead of the game by miles.

The point of these questions is to remind you that everything in our lives finds itself there for a reason. Every job, every relationship, every traffic jam. Not so you keep it forever, but so you can learn and grow and build from it…because when the good stuff comes around, you’ll be ready like nobody’s business.

And…

While keeping your current job and remaining the realistic and responsible woman you are, it’s both above and beyond possible and unbelievably important for you to invite the things into your life that you need and crave and want…and deserve.

There’s time beyond 9-5, so use it, get creative, and think outside the box. What do you really want to be or do? Go to networking events, build relationships, go on “informational interviews”, volunteer. Paint, write, sculpt, dance…get inspired. Set small goals, lots of them. Set a goal for a year from now, then go backwards. What do you want in 6 months, 3 months, 1 week…tomorrow. Sign up for classes, learn something new, expand your circles.

I have no idea what it is that you want to do in the future. But what I do know is that there are other ways to build your skills than to have a particular job in a particular field. Building the “muscles” you need to prepare yourself can be amazing, enriching, and open up doors you didn’t even know existed. Want to be a syndicated advice columnist? The New York Times ain’t gonna hire you off the boat, so start a blog and give fabulous free advice, let it feed your spirit and soul…and see what happens. Know what I mean?

Revel like crazy in the intelligence you have, the job you’ve been gifted, and the paycheck you bring home. AND. And know that this is not all for you. There’s more. Way more. Some of it will come with time, and some of it will come as soon as you let it. Scoop out your inner fabulous self and bring her into your newly fluid present world. Bring in a new perspective about your 9-5, and invite your delicious creative beautiful self in…everyday.

So, moral of the story: It’s both, and all of it, and and. Yes, the economy is being blamed for a lot, and it is to blame for a lot. Maybe it’s really a mess, or/and/also maybe it’s instilling an insane level of fear in people and businesses to the point of pause. And yes, job-related depression is a real thing, because when your inner goods are suppressed, you get depressed. So don’t suppress yourself any longer. You don’t have to have a certain job to do what you love, and doing what you love is the goal…so do it.

Love,

A lil’ taste of “Dave’s” question…

“So the problem is this : every time she receives a rejection letter, every time she comes back from an interview she feels did not go well, every time a friend of hers get hired or gets sworn in as a lawyer, my girlfriend throws a fit. She feels left behind by her friends and by me, and she ends up questioning her entire career choice. I inevitably react badly to these situations, as I’m more of a “grab-life-by-the-cojones” kind of person and don’t see any point in self-pity and crying over things we can’t change. So, typical guy, I propose solutions and come off as insensitive. Voices are raised, tears inevitably come, and strain is put on the relationship…”

A lil’ taste of my response…

“Dear Dave,

I love that you threw all your cards on the table, coined yourself a “typical guy,” and even identified that proposing solutions does in fact make you come off insensitive. The fact that you wrote in and asked about this tells me that deep down, you are anything but insensitive, which is great news because in order to be the man your sweet woman needs right now, you’re going to have to dig down way past your ‘cojones’, grab all the sensitivity you’ve got, and put it to work. Starting yesterday…”

Check out Soapbox Therapy on Primer Magazine to read the full column, and to find out how I support Dave in supporting his girl..